“And sadly, Iran is still beating Donald Trump. Yes. Last night, we got an update on the president’s Iran again, off again war.” — IKE BARINHOLTZ

“By the way, it doesn’t seem fair that Lindsey Graham pushed us into this war and we still have to fight it even after he dies. It feels like when my daughter makes me buy a really complicated Lego set, and then five minutes in, she goes to watch TV.” — MICHAEL KOSTA

“Remember when Trump said this was like a little excursion that was going to just last a few weeks? That was four months ago. And, I’ll be honest, I’m starting to regret voting for this guy three times.” — IKE BARINHOLTZ

“I still don’t understand why he even started this war. It’s [coughs] Jeffrey Epstein was his best friend [coughs] for many, many years [coughs] and he wants you to forget [coughs] how many times [coughs] he’s mentioned in the Trump-Epstein files. Sorry, sorry. I have the hantavirus.” — IKE BARINHOLTZ

“How did we end up like this? We’re a global superpower and we’re haggling over tolls with the Iranians. We’re not going to beat the Iranians at haggling — they invented it, and putting raisins on rice.” — MICHAEL KOSTA