Training our best friends

I am once again speaking with Hounds Town’s Michael Gould.

Gould: “My NYPD police career began 1979. Hounds Town is a countrywide facility where dogs self-regulate in natural packs. Humans don’t control their behavior.

“I’m with a dog now that’s hunting a person who went missing upstate 25 years ago. He’s looking for her remains. A workaholic, exceptional in his want to work. Doesn’t make a good family pet because he needs to be out. He’ll look for this woman who disappeared on the anniversary of 9/11.

“1981, I was a K9 Unit founding member. Crime rampant, 2,000 homicides a year. Mayor Koch decided to bring in dogs. We looked for missing persons, tracking children, predominantly in parks. Six months training before they hit the streets as a K9. They learn your rituals, you learn theirs.

“They live in the moment. Can’t lie, speak, haven’t human frailties. Some are couch potatoes. Motivated by food or prey, they can do lots.

“Talk to your dog, say you love it, pet it. They respond to boundaries you set. They sniff each other, detect odors that humans can’t smell.

“Don’t raise your voice. They learn certain words. It’s physical. Put small dogs together with small dogs and they learn from sniffing each other. We’d put your little Yorkie in a pack of small dogs, and let it do its own thing.”

Cindy: What does your training cost?

Gould: “Various rates. We have 100 locations throughout the US and care for about 3,500 every day. We don’t discriminate. We allow them to interact on their own terms.

“I could come and see your dog in its environment. I’d go to your house, say hello. I wouldn’t look, talk, or touch Jellybean. And we would develop a different relationship, and you’d be thinking that I was a magician. She’d look and say, ‘How is this happening?’

“My interest is keeping people together with their dogs and making a cohesive relationship.”

Cindy: No worry. I will never get rid of my dog. You, I may get rid of, but never my dog.

‘Street’ creatures

Speaking of creatures, I can tell you how to get to Sesame Street. First, go to Queens. If you don’t know where Queens is, then this I can’t help you with. You may call them Muppets, but Jim Henson’s craftsmen call them their “functional sculptures” — and they are actually giving tours, so you can look at them up close. You’ll call them Elmo or Ernie. Letting you know, weekends his Creature Shop is open for the public to see them. Me, I am not yet one of the stuffed creatures there — but thank you for asking.

Kennel kvetch

English bulldog, French poodle and a Russian wolfhound talking.

Russian wolfhound: “I have the best of everything in my country, but I’d like to come to America.”

Asked the English bulldog, “Why? How come?” Grrr’d the wolfhound, “I’d like to bark once in awhile.”

Only told in America, kids, only told in America.