Should we argue with the people we love? For Priya Parker, author of a book published in September, The Art of Fighting: The Transformative Power of Conflict, the answer is yes.

While many people dread conflict, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it’s necessary if we want to be in close, authentic relationships, says Parker. So when you have a moment of misalignment with someone, try thinking of it as a signal. There’s something here to talk about.

“We assume if the heat is rising, this must be bad. But the reframe is that there’s something relevant here. I should pay attention,” she says.

Parker, who has been a conflict resolution facilitator for 20 years, shares advice about common questions you may have about getting into fights — whether that’s with a partner, a family member or a friend.

Navied Mahdavian is a New Yorker cartoonist and the author of the graphic memoir This Country: Searching for Home in (Very) Rural America.

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This digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is CJ Riculan. We’d love to hear from you. Email us at LifeKit@npr.org. Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and sign up for our newsletter.