5 tips for parents worried about their kids' screen time and online safety
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Parents have always had to worry about their children’s health and safety. These days, they have to worry about their online safety, too. And a growing body of research suggests that parents can have a big impact when it comes to minimizing their kids’ risks from spending too much time online.
“Parents can be a really important influence in terms of social media behaviors of their children,” says Dr. Jason Nagata at the University of California, San Francisco. He and his colleagues recently published a report in JAMA Network Open that looked at studies on the impacts of various social media related policies across the U.S. and the globe. It found that parental monitoring of kids’ social media habits is largely effective in minimizing harms of screen time and social media.
Here are five ways parents can help their kids use their digital devices more safely:
1. Set clear boundaries around device use
“Even before they got their personal devices, we used tools to monitor screen time,” says Elizabeth Hoover, mother of two teenage girls aged 15 and 17.
That was when her daughters shared a family iPad. Then, in middle school, they got their own smartphones. “My oldest daughter got it in seventh grade,” says Hoover. “And then the younger one – much to my older daughter’s dismay – got it in sixth grade.”
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But Hoover, who recently retired from her job as the chief technology officer at Alexandria City Public Schools in Virginia, set down clear rules on what they could and couldn’t do on their phones. At the time, the girls used their phones mostly to stay in touch with their friends via text and video calls, she says.
“They could not download an app without my permission,” she adds. “There were specific time restraints around different apps. They did not have Instagram and they did not have Snapchat.”
2. Put phones away at meals and bedtime
Hoover also insisted on having no devices at the dinner table and at bedtime – both recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).
And research shows that those rules protect kids in a number of ways, says Nagata.
“Limiting phone and social media use at nighttime sort of as a household rule has been linked with lower social media addiction scores in the children, lower overall social media time,” he says. “If you’re not on your phone late at night, then you have less use. There’s less addictive or problematic use, and then you may be less likely to be cyberbullied or engage in cyberbullying.”
Keeping phones out of the bedroom also protects sleep, which is critical for mental health and healthy brain development.
Screens during meal time ups the risk of eating disorders, says Nagata.
“There have been linkages with social media and eating disorders or disordered eating behaviors,” he says. Distracted eating can lead to overeating, he explains. It can also increase the risk of restrictive eating by exposing kids to extreme diets and fitness content.
On the other hand, screen-free meal times help reinforce parent-child bonds and have been shown to protect teens from addictive use of social media.
3. Have a digital media plan for the whole family
The rules around screen time should be part of a family media plan, according to the AAP.
And it’s really important for parents to follow the plan, too, says Nagata.
“It’s important to practice what you preach and serve as good role models for your children,” he says, “because that role modeling is associated with lower addictive social media use in children.”
4. “Be curious, not furious”
Monitoring kids’ online habits isn’t just about setting boundaries, says Nagata.
Studies show that “supportive engagement” is particularly effective in protecting kids from the harms of screen time and social media, he says.
“So, asking about their children’s online experiences and being curious about content,” he says.
“Be curious, don’t be furious,” says Sunny Xun Liu, the research director of the Social Media Lab at Stanford University.
As a mother of a 12- and 17-year-old, she’s constantly reminding herself to do that, she says.
She suggests parents ask their kids open minded questions about what they’re doing online.
“‘What’s this? Why’s this app so interesting?’ Questions like that can help keep communication open,” she says.
And the communication should go both ways, she adds. If you see something funny online, share it with your kids. If they’re playing an online game, maybe join them.
“I think that’s the best way to really build parent and kid cohesion and relationships and trust,” says Liu.
And trust and open communication is key, say Liu and Nagata. For one, conflict between parents and teens has been shown to push kids more towards social media, upping their risk of social media addiction and other online harms.
Then, the trust and open communication helps ensure that when kids are struggling with something they experienced online, they feel comfortable asking their parents for help.
5. Start the conversation early
That’s the approach Elizabeth Hoover uses with her daughters.
“Early on in third, fourth grade, I started to establish a dialogue about their digital life,” she says.
That included conversations about things like cyberbullying, online scams, Instagram filters, and privacy issues.
“Like taking pictures of yourself and sending them to other people and how important it is that you own your image,” says Hoover. “I think that’s a really important one to start when they’re young, because as they get older, they’re not going to hear that message the same as if you say that at fourth grade or ten years old.”
The conversations she’s had with her daughters have made them more aware of online harms, and she’s been able to scale back some of the restrictions on apps that she’d imposed when they were younger. And she knows that if they encounter any problems online, they will come to her for help and advice.
“I tell parents to start early, talk often, listen intently,” says Hoover. “And don’t feel like you have to have all of the answers.”
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