Collin Gosselin is taking back his story in more ways than one this year.

In his new memoir, In the Shadow of Eight: Surviving the Reality of My Childhood, published October 13, Gosselin, one of the sextuplets from Jon & Kate Plus 8, unpacks the harsh realities of his younger years that the camera failed to capture, hoping his story can help others who’ve encountered similar struggles.

“I always knew from when I was little that there was something about my childhood that wasn’t quite normal, and that maybe one day it’d be worthy to talk about those things. And then as an adult, I realized it in fact was worthy to talk about, to write about,” the 22-year-old told DECIDER during an interview in our Midtown Manhattan studio.

“The whole process was so therapeutic,” Gosselin said of penning his life story. “I just realized that with everything I’ve been through, so many others have also been through those exact same things, if not worse. And that even if I could help one person by sharing my experiences, then it would be all worth it.” 

In addition to the cathartic writing process, Gosselin also returned to reality television on his own terms, joining Season 5 of Fox’s hit series, Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test, alongside Bre Tiesi, Ruby Rose, Candace Cameron Bure, Oliver Hudson, and more celebrities.

Much like writing his memoir, Gosselin knew that taking on the gruelling challenges designed by directing staff (DS) Mark “Billy” Billingham, Jason “Foxy” Fox, Rodolfo “Rudy” Reyes, and Jovon “Q” Quarles would help him grow, strengthen, and heal. Though Gosselin embarked on the journey to better himself, he’s also hopeful that his estranged family members might tune in to see the man he’s become.

“I would like for them to see who I am nowadays, especially my siblings. They’ve only been told what a certain person wants them to hear about me for so long,” he told DECIDER. “I think it’d be really cool for them to see who I am out in the jungle.”

Read our full interview with Gosselin to learn more about his memoir, his time on Special Forces, and more.

DECIDER: Collin, it has been incredible to watch you in the first two episodes of Special Forces this season. How has this experience changed you? 

COLLIN GOSSELIN: Well, I would say, like with any difficult experience where you’re constantly pushing yourself and taking on challenges, for me, Special Forces has been an incredible journey of growth, healing, and just knowing that I can, in fact, push myself to be better and do difficult things. 

And I know you dreamed of becoming a Marine, but you were discharged towards the end of your training because of something in your past. How did you pick yourself up and keep going after that? 

It was really difficult because, especially for me, when I have my heart set on something, I just can’t see past it. And it was really difficult when I came home from Parris Island, but I just remembered that I have to find things to look forward to, and I have to keep pushing myself, and sometimes we want to stay hung up on difficult things. And I did that for a little bit, but I realized that there’s more that the future holds, and I just have to keep pushing myself to be better and look forward to other opportunities. 

Speaking of other opportunities, your book, In the Shadow of Eight: Surviving the Reality of My Childhood, comes out on October 13th. What inspired you to take back your story? 

Well, I always knew from when I was little that there was something about my childhood that wasn’t quite normal, and that maybe one day it’d be worthy to talk about those things. And then as an adult, I realized it in fact was worthy to talk about, to write about. And the whole process was so therapeutic. And I just realized that with everything I’ve been through, so many others have also been through those exact same things, if not worse. And that even if I could help one person by sharing my experiences, then it would be all worth it. 

I think you’re really inspiring. And just in the episodes that have aired, I’ve already seen so many comments of support for you. How does it feel to see that online and get those good vibes from people? 

I always say, all the support that I’ve received from people, it’s like I have this one big online family and lots of internet moms, aunties, all that. I’m just so fortunate. I know for a fact that I have an army behind me, and that support brings me so far. Even on the hard days where I struggle to talk about things that are difficult to talk about, where I feel scared to speak out, that support is what pushes me forward. It means the world. 

I know there are members of your family that you don’t speak to. Are you hopeful they watched the show, or is that just not a factor in this? 

You know, I would like for them to see who I am nowadays, especially my siblings. They’ve only been told what a certain person wants them to hear about me for so long. And I would, I think it’d be really cool for them to see who I am out in the jungle. 

What was your dad’s reaction when you told him that you were going on Special Forces? 

He, in fact, was like, “You can do this.” He was like, “You got this, Collin. Just go out and do your thing.” And he had faith in me, because I think he knows that I like to take on difficult challenges. And I love that rough, tough lifestyle. 

How did you prepare for going on Special Forces? 

I do run a lot and do some cardio. Honestly, people really think it’s always physical, but it really is mental. You can work out every day, and be an athlete, and do all these things. But at the end of the day, it’s not as much physical fitness as it is mentality. It’s way more mental than physical. Boot camp, being on Special Forces, it’s mentality; it’s pushing forward. 

And it’s such a great group of recruits this season. Who were you most surprised to see? 

Even though it’s not a competition show and you’re not fighting for the top spot, it just surprised me how close we all got. I thought it would just be like, “Oh, go on. Do what we gotta do.” No, we were very close. We were all so connected. We’d sit and talk at the end of the day in our barracks, and it was like therapy. We really helped each other. It was just so beautiful; it’s so great. I love them all dearly. Just that trauma bonding, that’s the term for it, that really pulled us together.

Who in particular did you bond with? 

There were many of us, but I’d say me and Ruby [Rose], we were very close. Me and Alexia [Umansky] as well. Me and Max[im Naumov]. There were so many bonds going on there. We were all so close. It was amazing. 

You speak of trauma bonding, and I think a part of that is your living arrangements. Can you talk to me about living in the barracks, because that looked intense. 

Yeah, I think even aside from all the crazy challenges we were doing, going back at the end of the day and living like that, with how the showers and the toilets and the sleeping situation [were], the way you’re living really pulls you together. And oh my gosh, we all woke up one morning with this horrible rash all over us. Face, neck, hands — it was everywhere. Head to toe, all of us. We quite literally were just all sharing the same consequences, I guess you could say. It was just so easy to relate, and we had so much fun. 

In Episode 2, you’re paired with Bre Tiesi for the Heights Challenge, and she was really, really nervous. Were you glad you were paired with her to help her along? Did you know she could do it? 

I was so glad they paired me with her. I just tried to be a steady presence for her and tell her, “You can do this.” I think a lot of times we think we can’t do something, but then we do it. And we’re like, “Wow, I can do that.” I’ve had so many of those opportunities in my life where I thought I couldn’t pull through something, and I did.

I just wanted her to know that she could. She’s also a mother, and I told her this on the show: mothers are some of the strongest people on the planet. I was like, “You can do this. Your son’s watching. Just focus. Remember why you’re doing it. Do it for your son. We can get through this.”

I also hate heights. I don’t know if you could tell, but that ladder challenge was horrible [laughs]. I mean, probably one of the worst for me. Even though I was so fearful in that moment, it always helps me to be there for somebody else.

Another person going through it in that episode was Oliver Hudson. He was cramping in the barracks, and I thought it was a really tender moment between you two, where you tied his shoes.

He’s really sweet, and he’s really funny, and I just thought I wanted to be there. I just wanted to help everybody. I think there’s a lot of little moments where I’m like, “Hey, I’ll help you get your backpack on.” Or “I’ll help you with this.” It really brought me back to boot camp, just being around brothers. That’s how I was in boot camp. I just wanted to be there for others. Also, I don’t have to be in the jungle in another country to want to help somebody out.

And you’re the youngest recruit. But because you had this boot camp experience prior, did people look to you for guidance? 

Yeah, there are so many different moments. I was helping LeSean McCoy with his belt. I knew all the gear and how to get around it. Or with the packs, or with anything. They did look to me and it was really cool. Even though I was the youngest guy there, they had that trust in me. When somebody has that trust in me, I take that like very seriously. It was just really, really nice to see. 

In Episode 2, we do see several recruits go home. LeSean McCoy, George Santos, and Ruby Rose all self-eliminate. Who were you the saddest to see go? 

Out of the three that went home in Episode 2, undoubtedly Ruby. She’s so sweet, and I have so much empathy for her. My heart just hurts for her and her story. We were so close, and we talked so much, and I adore her. She is the sweetest. I was really sad to see her leave. I wanted to chat more. But you know, she’s a badass, and she’s been through so much. It was so admirable to see her take care of herself. I told her that. I was like, “At the end of the day, you have to look out for yourself and your body.”

I was going to say, “Do you think she made the right decision?” But I think it’s clear she did. 

Absolutely. It’s hard when you want to push yourself, and you want to see yourself get through a challenge like that. It’s really hard to say, “I do need to, in fact, look out for myself. I think she was so brave for taking into consideration all the stuff she’s been through physically.

Yeah, and you could tell the DS were sad to see her go. They clearly thought she had more to give, but understood. 

I gotta say this, she is absolutely such a badass. No doubt. She played Batwoman! She was in Resident Evil! Like, come on. She could do it easily. But like I said, she made such a brave choice to say, “I need to look out for my best interests.”

What can you tease about the rest of your journey on the show? 

I’ll just say this. Even with everything I’ve been through in my life, I’m not a quitter. I will always push myself to do my best and find a learning opportunity in every challenge that I take on. That’s what we should all do.